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Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Fear Filled Faith

I sat sobbing on the bed, gripped with fear.  The boat was rocking so hard, throwing us forward and back.  Loud thunks, eerie groans and creaks filled the room. Try as I might to truly believe God would bring me to safety, I was beyond fearful - I was fear filled.  

You might say that I knew in my head we'd be fine - but that's a stretch. I wasn't certain - at all. You see, we'd just had an encounter, days before, of being stranded in a foreign country. 
We were in dangerous territory. We had no money left and it was nearing dark. 
Locals were coming out of the hills to help - but some were armed with machetes (I'm sure used as a tool); one man had a pistol. Scared does not come close to how I was feeling. 

I was able to hold it together while our family was stuck in a ditch in the countryside. I told the children that God knew this was going to happen and he would provide for us. He would provide safety, he would provide a way out. I reminded them of scriptures they had learned that speak of these very promises God makes to us. "Do not be afraid, do not be terrified for the Lord your God is with you where ever you may go."  "Be not afraid, I go before you always."  As I was giving them comfort in our Great Protector, I was finding comfort in those words, too. 

I kept my wits about me for the sake of my children; but I'd used up all my bravery and now had nothing left.   I could no longer hold in the emotion that had pooled up inside me from the earlier debacle. It spilled out through heavy sobs and shaking shoulders as I rocked and dug my fingernails into my flesh. My husband did his best to comfort me, but I was an emotional wreck.

Every scripture I'd ever memorized, I recited aloud. Instead of reminding my children of God's promises, I felt like I needed to remind God of his promises of safety and provision. 
What he taught me was that even when my fear is great, he is still greater. 
Exhaustion overtook me and I fell asleep. I'd like to say I slept soundly, but the boat rocked hard and continued to shake me out of any semblance of peace.  

Daylight brought more of the same. Fear had given way to sunshine and I was no longer the mess I'd been just hours before. I cannot say I found peace. I can say, God gave me a supernatural comfort found only in faith. God proves our faith in every trial - we are made stronger, we believe more, we have new stories or testimonies to share. God will use absolutely anything to bring you closer to him and to prove to you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you are HIS! 

Be claimed as a child of the Lord!