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Monday, January 7, 2013

She's in My Everyday

Today was the first semi-normal day I’ve had since October.  I slept 16 hours in the last 24 and realized how exhausted I was.  My mom recently passed away.  I’d been taking her to doctor’s appointments since mid-November, but she wasn’t really much better.  The day after Thanksgiving, she dialed 911 and I accompanied her to the hospital.  Since then, it’s been a whirlwind, filled with procedures and tests and diagnoses and medicines. 

There have been no two days 
that were the same.

Caring for my mom for five weeks was a blessing.  I was able to do for her in a short period of time what she did for me for a lifetime. She was my safety-net I didn’t know existed. Now, I was hers. She tucked me in at night, prayed over me and for me. She intervened for me in every circumstance – now it was my turn. Praise God for this blessing!

It went by so fast. 
Like a freight train but you 
didn’t know where the caboose was.

We had mom’s funeral mass and life celebration on Saturday – and then I slept. I slept like never before. This morning, I felt like a new woman. I began to put my own sadly neglected house back in order.  I changed sheets that hadn’t been changed in three weeks – with countless guests sleeping on them. I laundered towels. I started to pack away all that is Christmas. 

It wasn’t until I began to make dinner for my children that I felt it. I got new pots and pans for Christmas – a gift I asked for J  As I took the pot out of the drawer, I looked up and said, “Hey Mom, I’m using my new stuff.  It works great.” And I started to weep.  Two months ago, I’d have called her to tell her about it.  And then we’d have talked for a half hour about this and that (all while she half listened while playing solitaire on the computer).

She’s in everything I do. She’s in the way I load the dishwasher and fold sheets and make chili.  She’s in the way I raise my children, set priorities, and love my neighbor. She crafted me into the woman and mother I’ve become.  I miss her.  I miss the everyday of her.

I know she’s in a better place. I know she can breathe easily.  I know she can sing – she loved to sing.  I envision her singing When Irish Eyes are Smiling.  I love you, Momma.